For the past 25 years, my life mission has been to "help people experience the love and presence of Jesus Christ through Word, Deed and Song."
And, up until this past year, this outreach has mostly occurred through my service on various church staffs as Worship Leader, Teacher and Creative Arts Pastor for a wide array of age groups (from preschool, to VBS/children, teenagers, adults). After receiving my Masters Degree from Hope International University and being ordained in 2005, these responsibilities grew to include the more traditional roles of a minister as well - performing weddings and funerals, serving communion, and speaking publicly as needed.
In the center of all my ministry roles and responsibilities, I have continued to focus on keeping the Kingdom of God first - looking for those divine ministry appointments as the Holy Spirit directs to change lives and bring healing.
While suffering with MS for 7 years (I've been healed for 17 years now - "Praise God!"), I learned a lot about the voices that fight for our attention on a daily basis - the voices of the world, our flesh, our soul (mind, will and emotions) and the voice of the Spirit. While afflicted with various symptoms of my own, I found the Lord was divinely using my life to bring healing to others. (There's no question that Jesus is touching you, when the minister vessel in front of you is broken, eh?)
God's Spirit would "show up," and speak to my heart with scriptures and unusual pictures that - when I was faithful to speak them out in a heart of humility and service, trusting in His grace and no power of my own - would touch people's lives. They would begin to shake ... or feel heat... or tremendous peace... as Jesus ministered healing.
Over the last two years at Chaparral Christian Church, the Lord impressed upon my heart that He was going to bring to me those who were in need of the Kingdom. I found people coming to me at random from off the street in need of healing and deliverance... cancer cleansed, demon voices silenced, broken hearts renewed... I never knew what the Lord was going to do from week to week (in addition to my very busy ministry schedule at Chaparral!).
While leading the worship ministry of The Journey, it wasn't uncommon to have people come up to me and say, "I am here, visiting from a different city, and I was praying and asking the Lord where to go - when your church, and this time came to my heart. Thank you for your openness to the Spirit. I've received so much from what you shared."
People would say things like, "Why isn't this place packed? There is such a sense of freedom in the worship and the Lord's ministry through you..." and I would ask the Lord, "I appreciate that you are bringing people from various places to visit, but why isn't anyone staying?"
I realized, of course, that my paradigm for "listening to God" and the paradigm of those who I was serving alongside on staff, were two totally different viewpoints. And, while these occurrences continued to grow in number and intensity, I was becoming a "threat" to those I was serving under (something I never intended).
People would say things like, "Why don't they have you speaking more? When you speak, it's as if God is speaking to me ... such comfort and peace... I sense God's Spirit with you. They should be using you more..."
But what made it difficult for the pastors whom I was serving to simply fire me and let me go, was my model of ministry is far different than any Pentecostal model they had known. I don't "command" anything to happen. I don't tell anyone, "God told me this, and you need to do that." I don't bark out by faith a scripture over and over again ... or say, "You don't have enough faith unless you do it this way."
What I've learned is that Jesus IS the Lord and we are His servants. If we listen to His voice and truly open the door of opportunity for Him to do something first, He will take it and do wonderful things without me having to make "anything" happen. (The problem is: We tend to pray whatever "we want," whenever "we want it" and we tell God what to do. To be effective, we have to reverse the prayer process to do what "He wants" and when "He wants to do it." Our focus must become "what do you want to do here, Lord?" and then, do that. There is no blessing in the Lord without truly putting Him first. He is the source of true ministry and change. The struggle is how our ego and flesh fight to get in the way ... a lesson we must work to overcome throughout our entire life.)
I'm also a firm believer to submitting to those in authority and trusting that God will use their lives to direct and guide. I'm sure this must have been difficult for the pastors I was under, because I have been truly sold out to making them successful - however and with whatever I can do for them - while these other things were occurring, which must have drove them crazy. (These are godly men whom I know are hungry for God's presence as well. They are incredible planners and gifted leaders whom I know the Lord will bless on their journey of walking with God ... and yet, sadly, a separation in our two roads of ministry appeared to be necessary.)
In April of last year, I was let go and my adventure in God has heightened. His Touch Communications was born ... and "I am seeking His Touch upon all that I speak, do or write."
Wonderful, unexpected doors have opened before us. And, in my next post, I will share where Jesus has led me over this past year - and the exciting new year of ministry which is ahead (and yes, I will do my best to post more words of testimony and teaching on my blog to encourage you in your walk in the Lord in the coming year).
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